Expectations, What Are They Good For...?

We all have expectations and we all have disappointments.  When things don't go the way you want  or expect them to, what do you do?

Nick and I embarked on the "Dream It True Tour" about 3 months ago.  What we couldn't possibly realize is how different it is to live on the road.  There's obvious changes that effect you in ways you wouldn't ever think of.  Like, we no longer work every day.  I used to walk dogs a least 2 hours a day, on a slow day.  I'm not doing that anymore, nor am I walking up flights of stairs all day.  We have two little steps to get into our RV.  So, with the lack of regular physical activity and the love of food, I've put on a few pounds! I usually weigh about 118.  I got up to 124, which may not sound like a lot, but if I didn't recognize it and make a change it would have continued.  Six pounds is the difference between my clothes fitting comfortably and being just a little too tight.  It's the difference between a tight shirt fitting smoothly and suddenly seeing a muffin top.  Or my thighs rubbing where they never did before.  Bottom line is that I don't feel comfortable in my own skin.    So, I've taken up swimming and biking and walking and watching what I eat.  Friggin' Charleston, SC got me with all of their delicious BBQ meats and cured pig products.  I haven't had any meat other than fish in over a month.  I cook a lot of vegetable stirfrys with organic locally grown greens and root vegetables.  I use My Fitness Pal app on my phone to keep track of what I eat and how much I exercise.  I have NEVER done this in my entire life, ever.

One of my super duper nutritious and DELICIOUS meals.

I'm sure part of my motivation in somewhat obsessing over my food and exercise is to feel a bit of control.  I was in such a comfort zone in Philly.  I had my friends, I had my places I'd get drinks, places to get food, I knew where everything was all the time, I knew where to get my pants hemmed and my shoes fixed, and of course I had a steady income coming in.  It takes a long time to figure out these things, so when you are moving all the time, it's nearly impossible to feel grounded.  All of these new adjustments add up and can make me feel a little crazy; unbalanced. In Philly, sure,  I had an odd schedule compared to the average person, but it was normal and regular to me. Out on the road, I feel as though I am at the mercy of so many factors.  For example, the weather can disrupt our driving schedule very easily.  If it's too windy, we can't drive because we are considered a "high profile" vehicle so high winds mean high danger. We don't drink the water in the holding tank of the RV, so we have to refill BPA free jugs of water every few days which takes time and forethought. When there's a problem with the RV, not only do we have to worry about the expense and having to locate a reputable place to do the work, but we also have to worry about where to stay while the RV is getting worked on! All of these little problems add up and it's not what I had expected.  It's not bad, just a different reality than what I had envisioned.

  I guess I had imagined myself immersed in musicians sitting around campfires and singing to the wee hours of the morning.  This was a very romantic vision, but far from reality, at least, so far.  As far as musicians go, I kind of expected that people would be interested in our trip and want to be a part of what we are doing. It was challenging in Philly to organize musicians, well, on the road it's way more difficult.  Most good musicians are super busy and are into their own projects, the less affluent musicians may show interest in my endeavors, but don't really have the chops to get involved or just aren't dedicated or have kids or whatever other issues that don't lend themselves to playing out or rehearsing. Still other musicians feel threatened by a new talented musician infiltrating on their "territory".   So, there are so many factors, more than I had thought there would be, that make life on the road so much different than life back home.

I've been going to open mics, jam sessions, jazz nights and sitting in with lots of musicians, but I haven't really made any headway, at least not in my eyes.  One night I sang at 4 different venues between sitting in and open mics. No one can say I haven't been putting myself out there.

Elise sitting in with some Jazz cats at Roadhouse Cafe in Fort Myers.  

It's said that crazy can be described as someone doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  Well, at the moment, I've stopped trying to promote my music that has already been created and began to open myself to collaboration.  Collaboration creates connection and connections are what life is about.  I've decided to build relationships with people through the artistic process of creation.  Giving life to something new that never existed before.  That is how to build a solid relationship that lasts.  So, this is my new tactic.  This is the new plan.  It will have to be reassessed in the near future, but so far, so good.  I recorded a song last night in a small studio with a local producer and I'm working on another song with a local guitar player.  Maybe that's what this trip is about and not  just ME and MY music, but US and OUR music.

Don't forget to comment and visit my other pages for more info on my crazy journey!

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